Rambling Depression Dance

By Christina Chambliss

got to do performance art with my body and another body it was really amazing and I feel like this is a start to

a beautiful thing.

the thing about it makes me crave more and more I don’t want to stop, we are all just MEATSACKS moving with or against each other, nothing more nothing less, just meat and organs trying to survive and hopefully thrive.

listened to the millionaire by Kelis in the car with my friends along with Kanye West’s new album

h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e.

but during this scene there was no music just bodies grunting and screaming and yelling. bodily gurgles and quivers and smackingmusic for me is a symbiotic relationshipwhen it comes to dance i am working on moving away from that because i often feel attached that is why

with performance art i try to move away from music and be (in my own head space) not letting others voices influence my moves not letting others art influence my art create on my own, maybe

that is why i like to move with others so much i like the influence and input. i can empathize and hopefully realize something deeper about myself.

letting music influence decisions again i think because music has been infused in my soul to follow a beat rhythm song in my heart and express it on the outside.

this is gonna make me

u.n.c.o.m.f.o.r.t.a.b.l.e.

i was hyper aware of the music but i think i tried to stretch beyond that. Others seemed to do both as well i think i want to stop this, some sort of voyeuristic fuck (this is obviously a tribal song from some place in africa guessing southern continent).

It is my root in one way or another they seem to be joyous… she tried to be tricky and have a lot of different layers of beats the main beat stayed pretty much the same and would drop out occasionally.

i really hated that song it reminded me of high school sure beat and pop lyrics feel meaningless to me but i know commercially it sells because there is something for ppl to follow, the english especially is distracting, it feels readily pantomimed.

“i am not into it…

“pls stop it…

“i don’t want it…

main beat (ugh ugh) main vocals backup vocals main strum buildup formulaic this song makes me want to keep my hands to myself

polyrhythm = double time

i am sweating and i haven’t even started yet i don’t know if today will be good but i’m hoping for a better but how in the world is san diego? where is she where is…i feel like I already have a journey in my body and i just go with that

#cantdecideifiamwriteorwrongaboutthisineedabreakfrommymind

i feel really restricted working in 4 counts but then again it does help to develop my skills i suppose by working in 4 counts with a particular idea and then switching in this almost automaticness is bestir.

im hating this right at this moment its kinda horriblei suppose this is the challenge i was looking for maybe it will improve me maybe it won’tbut how to travel in one count maybe i feel like taking smaller faster steps means i can travel more

but (i need to eat breakfast that might be what is wrong with me) again exhaustion is overcoming me WAKE UP CHRISTINA you need to do the work and stop complaining to the wind maybe a greater time is to turn in motion

#cloudyconfusedandnothappy

i need to sleep i’m sad that it has come to this (maybe my meds haven’t kicked in?) yet it feels weird in my body i need peace and i need to find peace maybe if I find peace I can feel better in my body i want to be asleep in my bed and have

a better understanding of why I feel so shitty right now,a restful meditation

i need a hug and a cuddle i need to take my mind off negative people and focus on myself and the positivestop the thoughts from coming in and destroying meand help me from falling into the darker parts of my

s.u.b.c.o.n.s.c.i.o.u.s.n.e.s.s.

i thought stretching would help but it didnt, i need to start moving.

judging is making a final decision about a particular topic/issue;discerning is just compartmentalizing. i feel like judging has a negative connotation and discerning has a positive one. they mean very similar things but i feel as though discerning doesn’t carry the heaviness that judging does.

“I think I was discerning because I was categorizing my feelings. I was being honest and was not saying that feeling a certain way was bad or good, but that it is just how I am feeling. I think the majority of the end part of the piece was more questioning than anything else — it helps to compartmentalize so my thoughts don’t consume me. I am free of self judgment when I don’t let others’ opinions affect the ones I have about myself.”

improvising often for me lacks judgment and is more about discernment…i…i want to recreate not judge the situation i want to!!! “HELP!!!”

#thishurtsmorethanyouwilleverknow

help help help help help help help help help help help help help

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